Fear or regret

There have been so many things in life that I fear. I fear not being the best mom I can be, the best wife to my husband, the best employee at work, the best friend, the best sister, and the best daughter. I live my life trying to be the best at everything I do. Unfortunately this leads to a lot of heart ache and disappointment as I am usually comparing what I think is being the best to unrealistic expectations of perfectionism. So what does this have to do with fitness and health???? Fear of perfection is literally making me sick and it's time to let go of the fear of not being perfect. This week, I realized that the sprint triathlon is 8 days away here in Gillette. I wanted to compete in it again, and this week was trying to decide if I should do it or not. Here are the thoughts that were going through my head of why not to do it..."you haven't trained enough" "you haven't even been swimming" "what if you don't beat your time from 3 years ago" "none of your friends are doing it with you" "what if it is too hard and you have to give up" I am that girl that plays out fake scenarios of what could possibly happen in my head, so you can probably imagine what those looked like...me gasping for air out of the pool, not being able to get out of the pool, walking on the running portion, and giving up( in dramatic fashion of course). Luckily for me a little piece of reality stepped into these thoughts and told myself to shut up. I have two options..fear it or regret it. I have pondered over what I would think about myself if I didn't do it, regret! Regret is what I would feel if I didn't compete, if I didn't push.

I would never have imagined that in my 30's that I would  be in the best shape of my life. I have biked 150 miles in 2 days, I have been running just slightly under 5 miles under a 10 min mile pace. I have gone to hot yoga twice! I want to feel what I can push my body to do while I am in the best shape I have ever been in. I want to cross the finish line weighing over 75 pounds less than I did 3 years ago when I first finished the triathlon. I will not let fear win, I will not regret this. I have to remember that I am only in competition with  myself. I am the one that I have to compete against. I have to compete against the fear of imperfection and accept my imperfect self. So here it goes...I am going to do the triathlon. I started swimming today and I didn't die gasping for air. I feel that I can bike and run confidently. I am excited to try out my new bike! I have dreamed of the day racing on a road bike. I know it is going to be hard. I know that I will not have the support of my friends who will not be doing it with me, I know that my family won't be able to be there cheering me on, but this is my race. This is me and this is me relinquishing my fear and living life without regret and without fear.